The Naming of Cats

I've always loved The Naming of Cats by T.S. Eliot.

This poem (one of a series of cat poems written for his Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats) considers the difficulty of naming our feline friends, and suggests they should actually have three different names.

As if finding one weren't already difficult enough!

My own cat has two names (and possibly a third) but more about that later.

Coming up with three different ideas for cat names might be a bit of a stretch, particularly if you're naming several cats.

The Old Possum poems were written in the 1930s for T.S. Eliot's godchildren and friends, and contain many unusual and funny cat names.

These include Mr. Mistoffelees, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, Skimbleshanks, Jennyanydots, Bustopher Jones and Rum Tum Tugger.

As you can tell, T.S. Eliot was pretty good at naming cats himself.

His book and poems were the basis for the extremely successful stage musical 'Cats' by Andrew Lloyd-Webber, which features the hit song Memory, made famous by Elaine Paige.

The poem below is, of course, featured in the musical.

The Naming of Cats

The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter
It isn't just one of your holiday games
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES
First of all, there's the name that the family use daily
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey
All of them sensible everyday names
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter
But all of them sensible everyday names
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular
A name that's peculiar, and more dignified
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum
Names that never belong to more than one cat
But above and beyond there's still one name left over
And that is the name that you never will guess
The name that no human research can discover
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess
When you notice a cat in profound meditation
The reason, I tell you, is always the same
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name

About those three names

My cat, as I said, has more than one name.

When we first got him from the Rescue, we didn't know what to call him.

He spent a few days without a 'real' name before we called him Bandit (he looks like he's wearing a mask).

Because we had to call him something meanwhile, he was affectionately nicknamed Munchkin, which of course immediately got shortened to Munchie.

Which was quite appropriate, really - he does love to eat!

The nickname stuck, so although on his adoption papers he's officially named Bandit (which gives him a certain dignity among the local cat fraternity) he'll always be known as Munchie to us.

But I've never discovered whether he knows himself by that all-important, third, name ...

So, if you see your cat apparently deep in thought, you'll now know, as T.S. Eliot said, exactly what he's thinking about.

If you enjoyed this you might also like:

• More cats in literature - We Are Siamese and other stories
• The story of The Siamese Cat Song
• Author Doreen Tovey's Siamese cat books

Ideas for naming your own cats:

• Naming Siamese Cats
• Naming Siamese Kittens

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